The economy is in crisis, people all over the world(America) are losing their jobs left and right. Now even the most secure jobs are being lost, according to The Vineyard Gazette many towns are considering replacing their weekly landscaping crews with grass-eating sheep.
It has begun. Corporations have exploited outsourced labor for many years and now local towns are getting in on the action, even going one step further by hiring wild animals. Well conservative America if you hated the labor of illegal immigrants imagine how much worser its gonna be when you cant even insult or set up lynch mobs against these new slaves.
Well of course with this new labor, many Americans and previous Landscapers have begun protesting and writing strongly worded blog comments. While others have decided to conform to this new business model and began exploiting it.
If you thought the hipster scene was bad, wait till the sheep start impregnating your girlfriends.
Print Media is dying there’s no doubting it.period. But what can a CEO of a major publication do but flail his arms wildly and wait to drown in debt, Plenty I say for one the can tap into a demographic that is so large they have their own music scene as well as their own smugness scene. Well that group is non other than the Hipsters, society’s self-appointed guru’s.
Now, I know your panicking right now pulling your hair out wondering who to objectify. But that is not the topic of this post. I am going to not only explain how to tap into this potential market but list it in a nice bullet point set up which I recently figured out how to do.
- First bullet point!: It has come to my attention that Hipsters and other social classes love to shop for “vintage” and “old” item’s, so i thought out loud. “Why not make newspapers look old and sell it for 25 dollars at the local vintage item’s shop!?”. This will fool the Hipsters/Scenesters in buying a news paper which they believe is old.Only to be tricked into reading the latest in politics.Genius.
- Second bullet point!: A fresh new layout of the boring newspaper style will greatly increase its profit, especially if you cater to this specific demographic. Maybe a peace sign here and there or a nice blog layout with your important news in between the daily amount of filth and shit. Some other things like re-hashed 60’s hippie letters will also help gather your future customers.
So, how did that peace and freedom now movement go miss hippie?. Anyways I digress.
- Third and final bullet point!: Scatter key words such as epiphany, cosmic love and Illuminati, into your newspaper. I have found these key words and phrases immediately attract the attention and eye of passing hipsters/baby geniuses. This had led me to believe that their minds work just like any humans mind in which it can be a victim of subliminal messages. Thus leading me to believe that they are just as dumb and insignificant as the rest of us.
Now it’s all up to you Mister Corporate CEO only responsible to his stock holder guy. Learn from me because I have researched these things, I mean, I have a blog they just don’t give those things away you know.
All I know at the end of all this…..
Overall Grade: Shit.
With the masses of Twilight excited about it’s upcoming sequel and entertained by its previous book, I figured it would be a good time to review the movie in a little segment called The New Lobotomy.
Twilight was casted with fresh up and coming actors and actresses, this really brings down its entertainment for me because I routinely volunteer to help the one hit wonder actors and actresses in L.A with distribution of cocaine and other substances. So to see a new face hit the streets asking to “suck dick for a line of coke” is just heart breaking. But I put my personal feelings aside and gave this movie a chance, a very pessimistic chance.
First what can I say that wont offend or discriminate Twilight’s fans- let me see- there is nothing that separates Twilight from dozens upon thousand of romance novels/movies. Apart from a vegetarian vampire which i am sure some god somewhere is disappointing in, primarily because he probably puckers up much more than he sucks.Blood that is.
Secondly I believe and hope that after you lived for hundreds of years as a vampire you would at least learned that having at least one facial scar or intimidating beard (witch I demonstrate to the right) makes you look tougher more distinguished and dare I say,classy.
Finally, I have a big problem with the “I am a vampire, but i am a vegetarian” idea. While original I must say, the though of a person running around my field sucking my fresh tomatoes is a bit disturbing and dare i say “douchebaggy”. But nevertheless I enjoyed almost half of the movie, which isnt so bad considering I would have rather played with my stick and hoop.
Anyway fuck this movie, fuck northern California and fuck teenage vegan preppy rich vampires. Those guys are assholes.
The loud roaring hum of a jet taking off greeted my ears as I walked into my friends home, I searched above my head in order to catch a glimpse of the aircraft but to amazement there was none. Had imagined this sound blaring into my ears? as the noise continued and I questioned my sanity my eyes caught a glimpse of a white box rattling and blaring this horrendous sound on the entertainment center.
I had become a victim of the X Box 360 deafening sound, I promptly pleaded my friend to halt this sound and he so kindly obliged and shutoff the monstrous machine. I asked-
“Doesn’t the noise bother you like fucking crazy”
Emulating the sound, I knew he had gone insane. Blinded by the 360 game library and pay to play service he had become a starving old man, his whole life saving went into the constant fixing of the X box and its yearly subscription. I had to escape. I could feel Microsoft’s android like hands reaching for my pockets, its fingers made up of inferior technology and greedy corporate executives. I ran for the door the xbox in hot pursuit, I knew I had no chance of surviving, I was ready to die. Just then as all hope seemed lost it stopped instantly, 3 blinking red lights flashed in its chest. It was over. Due to its poor production and parts it had overheated, my pockets were saved from excess spending. But for how long!.
As you may have heard and experienced the World Economy is in shambles and a bleak shadow of what it use to be. Of course it was never anything to begin with so this is a paradox.
But with the recent paper money market going to shit the consumer needs a voice from the slums (Suburbia) one who has suffered through weeks and months of torturous labor (little to no labor) and these hopes can only be met by one human, Jesus the money saving self-proclaimed king of the Jews.
Yes, I am in contact with this man and he has granted me the honor and consent to write his thoughts and word’s onto this site. This weeks topic:
Though Jesus is a god serving man, he also believes in the power of paid sexual favors. To this he stated-
“let every man and woman fear not the Jezebels and vagrants, fear the crabs and pimps not to mention the gonorrhea that’s a bitch to heal”
Clearly Jesus has a interesting opinion but this also brings up the more interesting conclusion, does Jesus have gonorrhea?